What is the difference between confidence and egotism? The distinction is often misunderstood. Behaviorally, displaying confidence and the ego can appear similar. But confidence and ego are opposite manifestations of the psyche. Confidence reflects truth. It’s self-assuredness arising from an appreciation of your abilities. It stems from understanding how you uniquely add value; you know who you are when you’re at your best. Confident people accept their talents and want to get even better. Confidence anchors – it instills meaning and purpose.
Ego is the opposite. It operates solely from self-interest. It is an unconscious projection of what you want others to think and feel about you. Ego seeks validation and accepts no responsibility for improvement. It exists to feel superior without underlying substance. Ego causes overstatement of achievements and rationalizes behavior.
Let’s take an example. An executive was failing. High potentials didn’t stay. Dismissive and self-serving, his ego demanded that he be the smartest guy in the room. Unless he gained an understanding of the destructive nature of his ego-driven immaturity, his career would plateau. Our coaching helped him understand his personality strength… a charismatic performer who delivers a compelling message.
But the shadow (the immature quality to a strength) was arrogance. This resulted in poor listening and frequent interrupting. This behavior was fueled by the need to validate himself to himself. As coaches, we look for the root cause of destructive, ego-driven behavior. The key is in the “why”. Through guided introspection, it became apparent that as the middle child in a large family he was overlooked and ignored. Accomplishments were drowned out by several high achieving older siblings. Thus, unconsciously, he craved acknowledgement and admiration. This awareness was a breakthrough.
To reinforce this client’s strengths, we arranged for him to have a platform speaking coach to take his natural presenting ability to the next level. When his energy was positively focused on developing his strengths, ego subsided. This freed up his psyche to begin to acknowledge and appreciate the strengths of others. Through this process of deep introspection, his ego substantially moderated; he became committed to energizing his team’s potential. He was legitimately confident of his natural presentation skills but now recognized that his role as a leader was to bring out the highest potential in others. That’s what psychological maturity and real leadership is all about.
It’s important to understand the distinction between confidence and egotistical behavior. Confidence is not a display of ego. Confidence is self-assuredness of what you know to be true. The ego is the opposite – an illusion of the psyche.