This article was originally written in 2015 and was recently updated.
When American Idol debuted in 2002, it was the first of many popular talent shows. With Idol, there is always something especially magical about the early episodes. Judges travel to various cities where thousands of unknown singers audition for a chance to go to Hollywood. Auditioning in front of celebrity judges and being handed a ticket to Hollywood is just the first step in the process of winning the competition. But without the ticket, your dreams are dashed and you are on the next bus home.
To me, this is not a just a vocal contest. It is the American dream played out before our eyes and every person who auditions has a unique story. Whatever the person’s situation, the deaf singer, the single mother who works as a waitress, the Iraq war veteran, the kid from the projects, the person who tried unsuccessfully for years but could never get past the first round…these stories are compelling. Some people obviously have more talent than others and those are the ones who ultimately move forward as the show progresses.
In the 2015 season, I saw something in an audition I had never seen before or since. The take-away is profound and it’s a lesson for all of us.
The young singer had auditioned the previous season but did not make it through the first round. During the past year he had changed his appearance, gained experience, and worked hard to improve. Only one of the judges recognized him from the previous year and after his strong performance, they unanimously agreed that he should move through to next round.
I have watched this show for many years. With no exception, everyone who moves through from the first round thanks the judges and rushes off stage to celebrate with loved ones. Not this particular young man. Despite receiving nothing but praise, he asked the judges how he could have improved his performance. The maturity of the request clearly took them by surprise. One judge spoke up and gave him 30 seconds of advice. I didn’t understand the advice but there was no doubt that it resonated with the singer. I could tell from his reaction that the coaching and insight he had received was extremely valuable.
So, here’s the point. This singer is someone who auditioned two years in a row so that tells us something about his emotional resilience, character, and ability to persevere. But only a person who has the maturity to manage his ego would request feedback after he had done well enough to get a yes vote from all three judges.
The ego’s need for recognition and reinforcement is powerful.
It’s what deters people from requesting constructive feedback. A request for coaching after doing well is especially rare because most of us would rather bask in our own success rather than address areas where we can still improve.
I don’t know how far that young singer went in the competition. Frankly, I don’t even remember his name. What I do know is that he demonstrated rare maturity and control of his ego by requesting feedback and coaching, especially after a strong performance. I am certain this emotional maturity will serve him well in the future.
Let’s face it. Even when you’ve done well, you can always improve. Next time you have a positive situation at work, ask for feedback about how you could have done even better. Notice the reaction of the person you asked. Just the simple act of asking the question will instantly change how you are perceived. And the information you receive and insight you gain might just change the trajectory of your career.