Most of us have something we’re afraid of. Examining where fear comes from is a healthy, often overlooked exercise.
We don’t like to admit fear or discomfort but it’s an important aspect of developing emotional maturity. Here we want to explore a common fear, the fear of public speaking. In the process, we hope to give you some insights on how to overcome your own fears, whatever they are.
Let’s look at an inspiring presenter.
They have that magical intangible quality we call presence. They connect with audiences due to their authenticity and genuineness. They seem to have no fear.
Much has been written about how weak public speaking skills negatively impact career success. Speech anxiety is so common that it even has a name, Glossophobia. This phenomenon has changed little over the years. The latest research confirms that people are still less afraid of dying and spiders (our favorite) than of public speaking.
At TLT Coaching we help professionals grow – to overcome potentially derailing characteristics and impediments to success.
So, what’s the secret to developing strong public speaking skills?
Is imitation a smart strategy? Should we observe Oprah Winfrey or Barack Obama and attempt to emulate their style? What about presentation skills training? Will training help to eliminate that gut wrenching fear that often occurs when all eyes are on you? Practice improves performance but will it develop presence, the intangible quality great speakers possess?
The simple answer is no. The real secret is something people don’t even consider.
Our contention is that the first step to becoming a great presenter or overcoming other career challenges is to eliminate fear. It’s important to understand that it’s the ego that creates the emotion of fear. When you understand what the ego is, and how it unconsciously influences behavior, you can more easily overcome it and break free. When you manage your ego, you manage your fear.
Here’s an illustration.
You are asked to deliver an important speech. The audience includes the CEO, Board of Directors and key worldwide employees. Deliver a strong performance and the sky’s the limit. Be uninspiring and you take a gigantic career step backward. How do you best mentally approach this opportunity?
First, identify the real cause of any apprehension. If you look at it objectively, and strip everything away, you’ll discover that it’s the fear of being judged. Think about it. If a big speech causes anxiety or is frightening to you, it’s because you judge others so you believe others will judge you. The root cause of fear is your ego. Your ego always seeks outside validation.
Taking control of your ego is the secret to exhibiting authentic presence and eliminating fear of public speaking.
Before your next presentation, try this simple exercise.
Close your eyes and think of the person or persons in the audience that concern you the most. Say to yourself:
“When I reflect on this person or these people, I only focus on positive attributes. Whatever my past experience, I forgive them for everything and anything. I judge absolutely nothing; I want only to appreciate them for who and what they are. I have no agenda other than acknowledgment.”
Here’s what happens when you do this exercise. You’ll immediately feel inner peace and relaxation.
By shifting your mindset, you removed the intervention of the ego. This is because you were reflecting only on the positive characteristics of your audience. When you stop judging others, you stop judging yourself. Imagine having this grounded peace of mind when you walk to the podium.
The same concept applies whether you’re speaking to a large audience or having one-on-one conversations.
Let’s assume you’re planning to attend a reception honoring a business leader who contributes to a charity you support. You don’t know anyone attending this event. Unless you’re an extrovert and naturally socially bold, you may be uncomfortable, anxious, or even fearful. That’s when the ego kicks in and you begin to imagine future scenarios. What if everyone knows each other and you feel like an outsider? What if you can’t strike up any conversations and you leave without making any meaningful contacts?
Again, we suggest that you take control of your ego and mental agenda. Make a pledge that your only objective at the reception is to make three people feel great about themselves. Be determined to be a wonderful listener; see how much you can get people to speak. Your goal is to ask open-ended questions and encourage people to talk. This takes the stress out of the event because you’ve transformed your thinking from “I want to make a good impression” to “I want to make people feel good about themselves.”
You overcome fear by shifting your mindset away from how your ego feels and eliminating the thing the ego craves the most…validation.
Now, you aren’t worried about validating yourself. Your plan is to validate others. Try this and you’ll be surprised at how popular you become! When you eliminate fear, authenticity and interpersonal warmth emerges. You’ll naturally project presence and charisma. This is the real you, your highest self.
The important take away from this article is that only you have the power to control your mental agenda. Ignoring what causes you fear or anxiety is not a positive growth step! Work toward changing your mind-set and begin by acknowledging the role fear and your ego play in whatever issue has dogged you in your career.