Many studies show that being optimistic increases happiness and reduces stress. Optimism is an important element of emotional resilience, career success and leading a positive life.
If failure and disappointment are a normal part of the human experience, why do some of us more easily move past professional and personal setbacks?
Why do some people see the glass half-full while others see it as half-empty? Why do some people more easily catch themselves when they begin to fall into the trap of negativity?
Your personality structure and level of psychological maturity influence how well you manage stress and adversity.
Some people simply have more natural optimism and emotional resilience than others. But having a positive mental attitude is an important and necessary element of career and life success. Here we want to address how to shift your mindset so you can better overcome life’s inevitable challenges.
The real secret to optimism and emotional resilience is something we often speak and write about.
It’s your pesky friend and foe, the ego and it’s relationship to fear. Shifting your mind-set often requires you to overcome the ego’s projection of fear. Here is a personal example.
I vividly remember 20 years ago being fired from my position as EVP. Our CEO left the company and was replaced by someone from the outside. I tried being a team player but my new boss was pompous and arrogant; I really didn’t like him. He immediately brought in a couple of former colleagues and it became clear I was about to be demoted. But instead, he brought me into his office and unceremoniously fired me. Naturally, I was upset and disheartened. Looking back in that moment, the real challenge was for me to separate my ego from my higher self.
The ego is the part of you that demands validation and recognition; it’s the lens that interprets much of your worldview. The higher self is the part of your psyche that has no fear. This is what allows your best qualities to rise within your personality.
To overcome my ego-based fear, I discovered a technique that instantly changed my mindset from one of fear to one of optimism. I still use it to this day.
It sounds simple but what I did was pose a question that made me laugh at myself. In this case, I asked: “Do I really want to work for this jerk that I can’t stand and who will make my life miserable?” The answer was clearly of course not!
If I would never be part of the new CEO’s inner circle, then why was I so upset about being let go from a situation that would diminish my influence? The real reasons for my negative and self-defeating emotions were based entirely on my ego’s fear. I feared not finding or creating another career platform. I feared that I might lose social standing and lifestyle. But when I posed a brutally honest and ironically funny question to myself, I was able to laugh…at myself! I remember saying out loud: “I’m worthy of bigger and better things than to work for a jerk who will never appreciate my talents!”
I put my ego into an absurd predicament. If I couldn’t laugh at my own ridiculous question, I would have to admit to my own cowardice for accepting a diminished role.
I remember distinctly what happened next. Once I was able to laugh at myself, my fear immediately disappeared. Happiness, confidence and optimism took its place.
As a result of this experience, I now understand the power of this simple exercise. When you are faced with a career road bump that causes the ego to demonstrate fear, ask yourself a confronting but comical question. Even consider using graphic, bawdy language – whatever causes you to laugh out loud. Laughing at your ego is integral to the process of experiencing instant optimism.
Through posing confronting, perhaps even overstated questions and then honestly answering, you instantaneously change your emotions.
If you actually laugh out loud, you win. You break the chains of your ego; it no longer can hold you back. This happiness and confidence is your natural higher order state. When fear is removed this is what remains.
I walked out the door at 11am and by 1:00pm I had secured my first meeting with an influencer. She subsequently connected me to several people and within 30 days, I had developed a new career platform. I realized that my previous fear was an illusion that could be shattered if I had the courage to laugh at my ego and change my mind-set.
The key point is to understand that whenever optimism and emotional resilience seem out of reach, it’s because your ego is unconsciously projecting fear. Your ego convinces you that your future efforts may fail and you’ll be negatively judged. The ego is very powerful. Unchecked, it can derail you and eventually transform fear into deep anxiety or depression.
Remember this exercise when you’re in a negative career situation.
When you pose outlandish questions to yourself, you reveal the ego’s distortion. When you have the ability to laugh at your own ego it no longer controls you. You’ve risen above it. Think about how powerful that is! Nothing has changed except your attitude. Once fear is removed through laughter, a plan of action is free to enter into your conscious awareness. You’ll quickly see a positive path and what set of actions to take.
Become aware when you’re not thinking accurately. Manage that pesky ego that always keeps trying to derail you. Changing your mind-set is completely within your control.