Think back to a situation where you were told you needed to change. How did it feel?
The implication of being told to change is that you’re not good enough and you need to be more like someone else. It doesn’t matter whether the message comes from a boss, co-worker, coach, therapist, spouse or even a parent. People hate being told to change.
Most professional development coaches believe that facilitating change is their core responsibility. But the notion of changing behavior implies that improvement requires looking externally to imitate someone or some ideal. After coaching many top performers, we’ve come to the conclusion that change is an illusion.
Our philosophy is simple yet profound. Don’t change…grow!
The difference between “change” and “growth” is monumental.
Change means to become or make different, substitute or replace. Growth means to advance, progress and evolve. Growth is clearly a more natural and inspiring way to develop.
Our coaching experience has shown us that the most successful people understand their unique personality strengths, even if they can’t fully articulate them. And, they seek out the right platform to capitalize on those strengths. The secret to career success is not through change or imitation but by becoming more of who you are when you’re performing at your best. Bottom line, this is what growth is all about.
Take a moment to recall your greatest career achievement.
Possibly, good timing and a little luck were present. But once you remove any attenuating variables, what remains? We’re confident that if this achievement felt remarkably natural and intuitive, it’s because you were maturely employing your unique personality strengths.
This is what created the positive dynamic that enabled your highest self to emerge. This is where you want to be in life.
Let’s look at an example to further establish the difference between the mindset of change versus growth.
Assume you’re an operations executive who manages 500 people. You’re informed that complaints against you have been filed because you’re viewed as too aggressive; the work environment is considered “hostile.” A performance improvement plan is initiated. You’re told you need to change, to improve communication, stop bullying and being overly forceful or dramatic.
To keep your job, you defensively agree to try to change. You hunker down in your office and in fact, watch your behavior. But you become resentful, quieter and more sullen. Your behavior has changed. You aren’t as aggressive as you once were, but now you’re less authentic and more guarded. The position has lost its enjoyment and in your frustration, you resolve to entertain recruiter calls. Unbeknownst to you, your lack of growth and maturity will now follow you to your next position.
Now let’s look at the same dynamic from a growth mindset – one that would have an entirely different outcome.
Let’s assume in our example that instead of being put in the penalty box and told to change, you were assigned a coach who would help you understand the real reason behind much of your behavior, both positive and negative. The coach helps you to see how your primal strong energy is derailing you because it may not be as mature as it needs to be. But, once matured, this is also the energy that will define your strategic value and take you to the top.
The first growth step is to ask the following two questions:
- What is the dominant personality trait I have exhibited since I was a young child?
- How has my behavior associated with this trait both contributed to and diminished my success?
Imagine if through an introspective journey, you had discovered that your overly aggressive extroverted style is really the need to feel superior because as a child you were bullied and felt inferior? Or, what if you now understood that early success in your peer group was achieved through dominance and you never moved beyond this mentality?
By objectively identifying the early life experiences that created and reinforced the immature behavior that is holding you back, you can begin to look at yourself more dispassionately. What follows is the realization that while your forceful communication style was validated in the past, this behavior, which is driven by your strongest trait of extroversion, doesn’t serve you well any longer. You now understand that your strongest trait can be channeled in a more positive, productive and mature way.
This is the essence of growth versus change. To grow means breaking down your ego defense barriers.
It can be a difficult journey to admit your own immaturity and understand the root cause. But it’s not change that you seek. It’s recognizing and harnessing the power that results from maturing your strongest personality trait.
The great news is that by becoming more of the person you already are, you never really need to change. This is the overriding theme of TLT Coaching. Don’t change…grow. Be more of who you are when you’re at your best!